Woman Sues Bieber for Hearing Loss, But We’d Like to Sue Him for Other Stuff

It's a tough job being famous, and nobody does it worse than  Selena Gomez's teenage lesbian boyfriend, Justin Bieber. Beibs (or 'El Beiberino' if you're not into the whole brevity thing) losing his cool isn't exactly anything new. Just a couple of weeks ago, he went berserk and began throwing punches at paparazzi, losing his purple (read: purple!) shoe and cap in the process.

Now here's more bizarre news, although he's not the one causing all the fuss. Well, sort of.

Stacey Wilson Betts, a mom from Oregan, is suing the pre-pubescent teeny bopper for $9.2 million for causing permanent damage to her hearing. Figuratively, that's what Bieber has been doing to anyone who's had to endure his albums over the years.

But Betts' complaint isn't about his singing though. She claims he apparently made throngs of fans scream out so loud that she was struck with a sound blast while at a concert, causing irreparable harm to her hearing (and to the judicial process). Betts may be after a quick buck, but here's other cases that we'd like to bring against JB and we're asking for even more in punitive damages:

1. Crimes against all men of the world. What has Bieber done to deserve someone as gorgeous and hot as Selena Gomez, besides make a ton of lousy YouTube videos when he was a kid and pull pranks on people to show everyone just how unprofessional and immature he truly is?

2. Crimes against artists with real talent. It's a shame that this 120-pound kid managed to get a recording deal when so many other artists in America who have real talent are still trying to break into the business.

3. Crimes against Twitter users. Bieber and his fans have a knack for causing lame-ass hashtags like #ImABelieber or #ItsABelieberThing to trend on Twitter. Well, we suggest you #KeepItToYourself and #GetALife.

4. Crimes against fashion. Did you read what we said earlier about him and his purple shoes? Enough said.