Walgreens Stock Downgraded To “Majorly F-ed”

A guy whose only job is to advise investors on how to spend their money has apologized for previously suggesting that people invest in Walgreens stock. Walgreens is the store that has the interesting concept of selling a small percentage of items available at Target at a greater cost. You've probably seen a hobo shitting in an aisle in a Walgreens at some point, and you probably stepped over the hobo shit to reach for 50% off Russel Stover Valentine's Day candy manufactured in 1987.

Somehow this clever angle that Walgreens is currently going for isn't panning out, especially now that Amazon has announced that it will begin selling prescription medicines after gobbling up online pharmacy PillPack for $1 billion. The analyst apologizing for overestimating our zeal for typing our rewards card phone numbers into dirt-encrusted keypads is Ross Muken, who stated:

We are downgrading shares of Walgreen ... ending one of the more painful experiences I have endured in my 15 [plus] years as a sell-side analyst.

CNBC adds:

Muken began Evercore's [the stock ratings company he works for] buy rating on Walgreens on Jan. 4, with a price target of $80 per share. The company was a 'perfect candidate' to break out this year, Muken wrote at the time, saying Amazon-related fears were 'overdone.' Walgreens has since fallen more than 10 percent, as of Tuesday's open of $63.25 per share.

Don't people want to shop for food while surrounded by people who have the flu? Don't people appreciate single brown bananas left to die in a bowl near checkout? Don't people want to interact with employees who look like they just got out of prison and who obviously hate you? I don't care what Muken and the stock market suggest, I will always, always wonder who buys the half-dozen different types of alarm clocks still stocked at every damn Walgreens.

Photo Credit: Instagram, CNBC