Twinkies Will Now Last Forever

In my continuing coverage of the return of the Twinkie, we've seen how this symbol of American sugary awesomeness returned to us from the brink of extinction. The latest development is that the new Twinkie will have almost twice the shelf life! In the past, Twinkies lasted only 23 days on store shelves but these Twinkie 2.0 models can stay edible for 45 days. Apollo Global Management and Metropoulos & Co. bought the Hostess line after the company went bankrupt last year. They've promised to return the Twinkie to our gaping maws very soon and largely unchanged. This seems like a good alteration, viz a viz stocking up for the apocalypse, but I wonder if it will affect the taste. Lord knows that they must have upped the preservatives to mummy embalming levels.

And besides, who could possibly keep from eating a Twinkie for 45 days? A monk, maybe. But I think even they would break a vow or three to get at that delicious creamy center. I hope that the Twinkie does still tastes like a Twinkie. If not it will be the biggest assault on our collective childhoods since Jar Jar Binks shuffled on to the screen.