The Weekly WTF: Ladies, Pee Like a Man With ‘Super Pii Pii Brothers’

When the Wii was introduced in 2006, minds were blown and undercrackers were befouled. Its newfangled motion-sensing wizardry brought us so many fancy new ways to look utterly dickish. From our first foray into Wii Sports, we were up off our asses and flailing our limbs around in the name of video games.

From there, the functionality was shoehorned into all kinds of games just because. As was the case with the early years of the touchtastic DS. Buttons and analog control? Shit to that. What is this, 1990?

Not that motion or touch controls are always worthless gimmickry, but careful implementation is needed. Merrily stroking at your canine friend's gonads with a stylus in Nintendogs? This is what touchscreens were invented for, right here. Meanwhile, the Wii Remote's capabilities let us do everything from conducting orchestras (Wii Music) to slicing at man-face with a sharp and stabby katana (Red Steel). Ah, technology.

As great as that may be, motion control also allowed women to achieve the impossible dream: peeing like a dude (well, not strictly impossible, but certainly goddamn messy. Won't somebody think of the janitor?). Behold Super Pii Pii Brothers, an April Fools hoax from ThinkGeek that is totally deserving of bestseller status.

If there's one thing the Wii had damn well enough of, it's minigame compilations. In none of them, though, could you piss on a cat's face. So, y'know, it's got quite a niche.

The alleged game comes bundled with a crotch-mounted plastic peripheral, for you to strap to your super pii pii. Or, perhaps, your pii pii brother. Whichever dick joke you prefer. With the Wiimote fitted inside, you are able to control your pee stream via movement, and score by precisely aiming into the urinals. With a bonus, as we say, for peeing on the cat.

It's a little like a rudimentary FPS, with less gung-ho mantastic warfare and more pissing. If that isn't enough of an endorsement, ThinkGeek's press release promises such glorious features as ‘amazing realistic pee fluid dynamics,' and ‘...over 100 different peeing environments with multiple toilet and urinal styles.' The best news of all is that ‘two players can compete with dueling pee streams.'

We're sold. We're so very, very sold. Why isn't this a thing again?