the top 100 stories of 2010 (60-69)

69. FIFTY CENT - lost 54 pounds, going from 214 to 160, to play a football player with cancer in a movie. I bet Jerrod Johnson wishes he had cancer. LSU is gonna beat the shit out of that guy in ten days. (May 27th)

68. LINDSAY LOHAN - sued E-Trade for $100,000,000 because they had a boyfriend stealing baby named Lindsay in a commercial. She ended up settling out of court for an undisclosed sum. Which probably means $0. Because other people are allowed to have the name Lindsay too. I looked it up. (March 9th)

67. SEAN PENN - lied about his heroics in Haiti some more, because actually doing that shit is dangerous. (March 5th)

66. GERARD BUTLER - went to Rio and nailed a bunch of whores, 10 days after Jennifer Aniston was on Access Hollywood insinuating that he was her boyfriend. He would have cheated faster but Rio is pretty far. (February 17th)

65. HILARY DUFF - got engaged to NHL player Mike Comrie, and she was so excited she couldn't even speak. She also couldn't speak because there was a dick in her mouth. (February 23rd)

64. LADY GAGA - flashed her vagina on stage at the UK version of the Grammys. I'm pleasantly surprised there isn't some kind of snapping beak down there. (February 17th)

63. LADY GAGA - fell down. Because she wears those dumb outfits with 20 inch heels. "The bad news is that she didn't do it at the top of some stairs." (June 23rd)

62. JEREMY RENNER - is a great actor who had a great year with Hurt Locker, The Town and Mission Impossible 4, but after a rumored date with Jessica Simpson, some started to whisper that he's actually gay. Which is maybe not the most flattering thing in the world if you're Jessica Simpson. (March 11th)

61. JIMMY KIMMEL - went on the Jay Leno show and ripped him from neck to nuts, because he mistakenly thought Leno was a comedian and might have some funny barbs to fight back with. Nope. (January 15th)

60. JESSICA ALBA - sort of flashed her hot little ass during a photo shoot. Sort of seems like this would have been a better photo shoot, doesn't it? (August 27th)