The Olympics Is One Big Orgy

Everyone is excited for the Olympics. The pageantry, the sportsmanship, all the f$%king. Oh, that's right. The athletes aren't just getting a workout from the events. The International Olympic Committee, that oversees the games, has handed out 100,000 condoms to the more than 7,600 athletes at the games. This is because, historically, the athletes do some nasty diplomacy between the sheets during the games. Former Olympian Ronda Rousey said that it was downright "raunchy" at her Olympics. Look, I get it. You are all excited and you are surrounded by thousands of young people who are in top physical condition. It's only natural that you are going to want to do the nasty, right?

What surprises me is that they have any friggin' energy left after doing all that exercise. After a workout all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch Full House for a couple of hours and go to sleep. Even when I was younger there was no way that I could do anything as intense as ski down a mountain or speed skate and then want to have sex with anyone. I guess that's why I was not an Olympian. That and that I was a fatty fatty boombaladdie.