Sasquatch Genome Project Has New Grainy Footage Of Bigfoot

I've told you before about the "scientists" of the Sasquatch Genome Project that are trying to prove that there are hairy ape dudes wandering around American forests. Well, now this intrepid band of Bigfoot hunters has released new footage of the beast. I mean, it's still grainy and inconclusive, but as we know heavy obstructive brush is Sasquatch's natural habitat. Dr. Ketchum, who is one of the project's head sciencey types, put forth a theory that Sasquatch is a parallel hominid that resulted from humans doing it with monkeys a million years ago. They claim that they have "definitive video and DNA evidence from the elusive Sasquatch." I don't know that I'd call this video evidence definitive. It looks like two guys in bear suits walking in the dark viewed through night vision, someone in a monkey mask shot through a bush, and a dude in a gorilla costume sleeping in the forest. Up your game, Dr. Ketchum!