Reese Witherspoon’s Worth Is More Than A Man’s

We’re moving forward in the direction of a world where women are replacing men and robots are replacing people. What Reese Witherspoon would like to add to the conversation is that men think she’s awesome. Of course men have never said such phrases to sleep with women before. Comments like “you’re amazing, you rock” really come from the heart and not someone just trying to get into your pants. She took the time out from her busy schedule of owning a vagina to highlight all of the other activities she’s involved in with a Wall Street Journal exposé of her work ethic. Holy crap I had no idea women can do things too. Call the press now that she found her way out of the kitchen. I would have thought a person was crazy if they told me women can do more than cook, clean, and reproduce. WSJ understands talking about the ins and outs of IPOs gets boring after a while, throw a pair of tits in the centerfold and say she’s an innovator. Instant sales spike for print magazine. 

Reese Witherspoon will not apologize for her success. The multihyphenate star (not only is she one of the biggest actresses in the industry, she simultaneously runs a production company and clothing line while raising three children) landed the cover spot of WSJ. Magazine’s “Innovators” issue along with the title of Entertainment Innovator of the Year thanks to her assertiveness, leadership and unwavering activism for female empowerment.

“I know I’m good at things,” she shares in her cover interview by close friend Derek Blasberg. “And I’m over being bashful about it. Do basketball players have to sit there and act coy? Tell me something: Does LeBron James twiddle his thumbs and say, ‘Jeez, I’m kind of great at shooting, and I guess I’m OK at dribbling and passing’? No, he’s like, ‘I’m amazing! I rock!’ I wish more actresses had that kind of bravado.”

“I wasn’t being offered opportunities to grow my company until I got that third hit,” Witherspoon shares of Big Little Lies completing the “hat trick” she need to solidify her production company in Hollywood. “A guy has one hit at Sundance, and he gets Jurassic World.”

Reese has been pretty quiet with all this Weinstein business that’s been going on. I don’t want to hear her career has been built on the back of casting couches at Harvey’s place. I want to believe that she’s awesome at doing things because she’s awesome in general. As long as she’s not using female empowerment to tell jokes about menstruation she’s alright in my book. That’s a shot at you Amy Schumer. You’re not awesome and period jokes are gross. 

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