R. Kelly Hates On The Haters Who Hate That He Hate Fucks Teens

R. Kelly is once again defending himself against allegations of past sexual misconduct with underaged girls. You know, like when he fucked a couple of teen girls in a sex tape and peed on them. Stuff like that. This is in the wake of the release of his latest album Black Panties. R. Kelly has been accused of this kind of shenanigans for over a decade now. Yet, he's not been convicted of any misconduct. Charged, yes. He was even brought in once for owning child porn. But the star takes it all in stride saying nonsensical things like,

"Well I feel like I got the football, man, I'm running towards the touchdown and stopping and looking back, mess around, I'll get tackled...But as you know, when you get on top of anything, it's very windy up there."

Umm, right. Now I'm not one to judge a man if he wants to blow through a bunch of groupies and chickenheads. That is his right as an American celebrity of any measure. But you can't diddle the kids. It's the one rule we hold sacred to keep our First World Nation membership. It's why you don't hear Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll Part 1 at NBA games anymore even though that was the best sports bumper music ever. Because child rape even trumps pro sports in importance. If we have to live without Bump N' Grind, that might just be the price we pay for not sharing the same value system on 14-years olds as sex toys as, say, tribal Afghanistan.