Paris Hilton Makes Out With Someone Next

My heartstrings could use a little advanced notice on Paris Hilton breakups. Apparently she doesn't understand how many of us live through her romantic and viral transmission escapades. The last I heard Paris was dating that teen boy model with the name that reminded everybody how many times he got same-sex raped as a child. I guess that's over. Now she's making out with this new guy in front of her beach house. I thought he might be black, but then I remembered Paris hates black people. Then again, she loves publicity more than she hates dark skinned men, so it's tough to say. Summer love is like that. Whimsical and largely unprotected. Welcome to the Eskimo brotherhood of the puss-filled urine, random stranger.

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