Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess: The Best Video Game You’ve Never Heard Of

Another of Mediatonic's bonkers babies, Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess was released to absolutely no fanfare at all on PSN in 2010. It's the amusing tale of aristocratic antihero The Duke, a hazardously charismatic vampire with a taste for royalty. When his princess is kidnapped, he takes off in pursuit of the monsters that he's convinced, with no evidence at all, are absolutely to blame.

The story mode consists of quests to the lairs of five hideous beasts. They take off in fear of the impending justice/the unwarranted assault of the Duke. You traverse a dizzying series of platforms after them, having to strike three times to administer the coup de grace and pass to the next challenge. As you climb, a combo is built with each successive platform you land on. Touching the same one twice will eradicate this, so some remarkably deft platform-hoppery is required. In later levels, you'll be leaping about as manically as a pissed-up flea. Who's also on fire.

It's a unique premise, and one that's executed with aplomb. What makes Monsters truly outstanding, though, is the unrelenting humour throughout. There are little cutscenes as the story unfolds, constituting a meeting with each monster and a comic denouement after the battle. These are brilliantly animated, and genuinely funny. So too is the Duke's scrapbook, which you are awarded for performing well. Said tome offers such hilarious insight as "If leaping to conclusions based on the messed up, gross appearance of a freaky ass ghost is wrong, then I don't want to be right. (but I always am! And sexy, too.)" I also enjoyed the amusing dramatic irony of the finale, where we learn that the princess is in fact a waitress from a Princess Burger fast food chain in costume.

Then there's your final opponent, a magnificently sexy creature known only as Kong in a Thong. Seeing this fine fellow is worth the price of admission alone, If you're into skimpily-dressed, hairy-assed apes. Be honest now, who isn't?

Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess is a great buy. It's a brief experience on the surface, offering only the severely stunted story and a score attack mode. If you stick around to perfect performances and earn the top medals, this delicious hors d'oeuvre can satisfy your appetite for a lot longer than its budget price tag warrants. And, as I say, Kong in a Thong.

Until The Duke gets his own richly deserved series (/merchandise empire/cologne/daytime TV show) Take a look at a review of his big debut here:

Article by Chris Littlechild