Miley Cyrus Finds Clarity

There will be a peaceful transition of power because Miley Cyrus just released a crying Facebook video where she promised to respect Donald Trump. Call off the tanks. It's unclear if she actually voted. She did post an Instagram photo with an I Voted sticker. An assistant could have given it to her. Or, she could have just voted in order to get the sticker, checked off Hillary and doodled on the rest of the ballot while completely stoned. She rambled for a while and dropped a few nuggets:  

"In her lifetime she deserves to be the first female president."

Still unclear why. She's certainly qualified. So are a bunch of other awful politicians who are also awful people. Scott Walker is qualified. Dick Cheney is qualified. At this point, even Trump is qualified. Why don't we go ahead and pull the plug on this Hillary thing once and for all? Encouraging her at this point is almost mean. Looks like the media's plan really backfired. Anderson Cooper will no longer be getting that cushy appointment. Can you report on that story, fake journalist Illuminati cock sucker? Get Miley on the blower, we need to feel something again. Odds she voted in the election two years ago are a firm zero. Hillary could have done a lot for women. Nobody can explain how, but trust us it would have been fucking amazing. Pant suit prices to double. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}