Mastermind Of The Day: Jason Hayes – The Punctual Thief

In honor of the wayward criminals of the comedy, Masterminds, in theaters September 30, we're taking a look at some of our world's most inept, clumsy, and dumb-ass criminals.

I was once mugged at gunpoint in Athens by a toothless Albanian woman and a cross-eyed Greek. That's a true story. I didn't have any cash on me so they made me take money out of an ATM. I could only take $500 and they were satisfied with that. The bank returned the money, of course, but it was still pretty scary. I'm not exactly gangsta. I'm an upper middle class private school kid. I never had a gun pulled on me before. But the lesson, I think, from the mugger's perspective was to be content with whatever they could get. That's where Jason Hayes went wrong, he got greedy. The Pennsylvania teen snuck into the window of an elderly couple and asked for money from them at gun point. When they could not provide any cash he made them drive to an ATM. Hayes asked for $2000 but the bank would only let them take out $460. So, he told the old man to meet him the next day in a parking lot with $1500 or else. The elderly couple then, of course, called the cops and told them the story. The chief of police, David Splain, doubted that Hayes would be stupid enough to actually show up. Splain said,

"Not that we would believe that a robber would have ever showed up for a scheduled appointment, but it was something we had to cover."

But he did show up. Hayes still had on the clothes that matched the victim's description and was carrying the money from the day before and the elderly man's watch. He was arrested for kidnapping, robbery, and being an all around dumbass. 

See the Masterminds trailer.