Lindsay Lohan Gets Felt Up by the Waiter

If you're goal in life is to touch Lindsay Lohan's breasts (and whose isn't?), then you should probably take some pointers from Mr. Waiter Guy over here. This guy definitely knows hot to seize an opportunity.

Here's how I imagine what transpired (written in movie script format):

INT. Orso restaurant. Day.


 			Lindsay Lohan

 	Oh no, the Paparazzi are outside, and I'm all by myself.

 	How will I ever get to my car.


 Lindsay overacts, playing the scene like she was actually in a

 movie, and not real life. Even though this is a movie script,

 but it's actually real life. She cannot make a distinction.

 She is a bad actress.

 A waiter walks up to her table.


 			Waiter

 	I'll help you, Lindsay! Follow me.


 			Lindsay Lohan

 	Oh thank you. I'll totally sleep with you if you

 	help me get to my car. Because that's what I do.


 			Waiter

 	Totally unnecessary, Ma'am.

 	I'm just doing my job. Here we go!


 EXT. Orso Restaurant. Day (continued)


 The pair step out into the chaos of the swarming paparazzi.

 The waiter shields Lindsay from their deadly flash bulbs.


 			Waiter (voice-over)

 	Now's my chance. Just a light graze of

 	Lindsay's breast as I "shield" her from

 	the paparazzi. (laughing to himself)


 Close up: The waiter's hand brushes against Lindsay Lohan's breast.


 			Lindsay Lohan (voice-over)

 	I think that waiter just touched my breast.

 	I must marry him.

 	I wonder if he thought my tan was fake.


 Lindsay Lohan gets in her car and drives away.

 The waiter High-Fives a paparazzi.


 END SCENE - Circle wipe onto High-Five.

Yup. That's exactly how it happened.

Photo credit: Flynet