Laura Prepon Naked on a Horse

Laura Prepon appears in this month's People magazine riding backwards naked on a horse. Some will see this as People magazine trying desperately to be provocative and failing. But those in the know can spot this Scientology signal from a mile away. This is like when you used to see a video of Bin Laden and he was masturbating his beard up and done. It was a tip off to his web of remote networks that it was time for a really hopeless shmuck to blow himself up in a Riyadh area Forever 21 store. Laura's carefully orchestrated visual symbolism can only mean that Tom Cruise has initiated sequence alpha. He's breached his Peyronies bent penis shaped submersible in the Indian River just minutes away from the private landing strip in Ocala where John Travolta will land his plane full of 147 virgin boys for the ritualistic gelding. Hmm, now where is that plane full of virgin boys? John must be running late.

Photo Credit: People