Lady Gaga’s Gross Wine Rejected By U.S. Patent Office

Any Z-list Real Housewife who's anybody knows that there's nothing classier than releasing a bottom-shelf wine available for purchase at your local gas station. So it makes sense that Lady Gaga, who at this point has just a hair more prestige than a drunk whore on Bravo, is hell-bent on releasing her own witch's brew. Gaga is, almost endearingly by now, still trying to make her Joanne era a thing, but unfortunately is the last to know that audiences want to follow stars half her age famous for queefing out the alphabet on YouTube. Or whatever the fuck is going on out there. The lackluster success of her album Joanne, like ArtPop before that, as well as increasingly frantic and mockable professional endeavors like her appearances on American Horror Story, signal that the end is near.

Nonetheless, the ol' plow horse keeps plodding along, and really really wants her wine to be labeled Joanne Trattoria Vino Rosso. Apparently her family has some restaurant called Joanne Trattoria. What a creative and interesting tie-in. Unfortunately for Gaga, her wine is a Nono, at least according to officials from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The Blast reports that the officials claim the brand would infringe on the "Trattoria" name already trademarked by a company in the same marketplace.

Old, drooping, soon-to-be put out to pasture in a Las Vegas residency, and now not even marketable to drunks dumb enough to buy wine from Lady Gaga. Lolz.

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