Kourtney Kardashian Can’t Catch a Break

Kourtney Kardashian needs a thing. She's been ambling about Paris Fashion Week half naked with her hair pulled so taut you can clearly make out her recent facial work. She's racing against time to forty. Younger sister Kim has her whoring and armed assaults and Kanye. Khloe just the whoring. Kourtney needs a hook outside of biennial bastard pregnancies as her uterine walls aren't bouncing back despite the rhino horn injections.

There will come a time when Kris Jenner steps into the room with that look on her face and demands you up the ratings or you get "the bus". Every Kardashian girl has heard the creepy nursery rhyme "the bus" since childhood. Not be to be confused with "the train". By the time you feel the cold hands of your own mother applying pressure to your back and launching into the path of traffic like a less successful Frogger, it's too late for regrets. SEO jackpot. If only you weren't in a coma at Cedars you might enjoy it yourself.

_{Photo Credit: Splash}