Kim Zolciak Has Gone Too Far

A post shared by Rodrigo Alves (@rodrigoalvesuk) on Apr 16, 2018 at 3:05am PDT

The Human Microwaved Ken Doll hit Miami Beach looking like a kind of artificial intelligence Asian Kim Zolciak, and it's definitely going to be the look of the season. Everything about Ken - real name Rodrigo Alves - is fake, besides of course whatever psychological disorder he's suffering from. The paparazzi paid their respects to the death of human dignity as Alves posed like he's someone who's actually attractive. They're photographing him as though he's a bearded three-headed fat lady sword-swallower midget, but Alves is none the wiser. Ignorance is bliss. And so is crippling body dysmorphia I guess.

Alves claims to have had more than £500,000  of plastic surgery done on his body - including rib removal - and the results speak for themselves. I mean wow. A waxy silicon six-pack stapled on top of his gut. Scars that would bring something to the table in Jaws. A face that looks like a burn victim's haphazard reconstructive skin graft. Again, it just works. Better luck next time God and Mother Nature and biology and taste and dignity. This is how it's done.

Photo Credit: Backgrid