Kelly Osbourne’s Close Call With Being Interesting

Kelly Osbourne has her size lumpy panties in a twist because she had to talk about something other than her cunty clothing line on The Today Show. Osbourne was informed she would be questioned about Joan Rivers because a dead Joan Rivers is still more interesting a living Kelly Osbourne. The two became close while working on VH1's Fashion Police, where they would often talk about the possibility of doing better shows over a lunch of 1960's tampons preserved in powdered sugar. Today Show producers informed Osbourne that she would be questioned about Rivers, which Osbourne took offense to because people usually ask her about her talented friends or fucked up family members instead of her designer heroin needles:

"It's something, to be honest with you, I really don't like talking about... Please can we move on so I don't cry?"

Osbourne proceeded with her segment then filed a complaint with AFTRA and Emma Watson's new United Nations Woman Power Committee and awaited being made whole again.  Kelly Osbourne has said perhaps five interesting things in the past ten years and four them occurred when she was clearly wasted. I'm not suggesting she get back into drugs and alcohol. Only if she wants to be semi-relevant again. Sober Osbournes have little to offer this world.

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