Kanye West Went To The Doctor, Got Lipo With His Money

In a move that was foreshadowed by the lyrics to his song Gold Digger, gay rapper Kanye West has flippantly admitted to getting the lard sucked out of his fat man tits - a procedure that led to his addiction to opioids. As this information is but a single fleck in the media turd explosion that Kanye West has been shitting out over the past week, a lot of people seem to be skimming over it, but I want to make sure we're all on the same page. Kanye West got the most basic bitch procedure that has ever existed. It's basically the same as him coming out of the closet, and all we can talk about is how he said black people wanted to be slaves. And I just want to say to that - What a relief. White people - 1, black people - 0.

But back to comatose Kanye in a hospital laying next to buckets of his own lard. West took his faux-manic media tour for his upcoming album to TMZ Live, where he had this to say about being actually the perfect match for beard Kim Kardashian:

I got plastic surgery because I was trying to look good for y'all. I got liposuction because I didn't want y'all to call me fat like you called Rob at the wedding and made him fly home before me and Kim got married.

We did write about West being fat in September, but in our defense he's still fat. No mention on the hair plugs yet. The alternative to getting liposuction is of course diet and exercise, but considering West is shacked up with Kim Kardashian, he really didn't stand a chance. Kind of a shocker he could stand at all with his size. Crazy fat fuck. Kanye's recent surge in publicity just shows how desperate we are for celeb theatrics as an antidote to our shitty days. But I crave more. Live stream the Jenndashians taking turns injecting his lipo lard into their dumpers and I'll be satiated.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA / Pacific Coast News