John Mayer Sit Down

John Mayer sued his Rolex dealer and lost, solidifying himself as a total fucking rich douchebag who gets a ton of pussy. Mayer reportedly bought $5 million in Rolex watches from his dealer Robert Maron. It's unclear why he can't go to the store and buy them but apparently he's kind of a princess hence the Liberace paraphernalia. When he took the watches in to get repaired he claimed to have discovered counterfeit parts inside and sued Maron. Mayer now admits he was wrong and the watches were legit which proves vain poser idiots who buy Rolex can't tell them from a Seiko nor work fourth gear on a Lambo or pass a blind taste test between your wine cellar and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Mayer's lawyer released a statement which confirmed he has been billing his shithead client for two years for the service of making him look like a jackass:

"Two years of research restored John Mayer's belief that Bob Maron is an expert on Rolex watches, and confirmed that Bob Maron never sold him a counterfeit watch."

That's what's called a hard fail. An interesting caveat is Maron, in addition to being a watch dealer and kosher bagel broker was a producer for Charlie Sheen's court mandated sitcom Anger Management. During this time he was also serving as a publicist for Sheen. Sheen claims Mayer never thought the watches were fake and was suing Maron to bring negative attention to his name, because Maron successfully negotiated for Sheen to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone the same week Mayer was lobbying for it. According to Sheen and his crew of shadow people:

This douchebag tried to bump my Rolling Stone cover... This ain't about watches...  John pulled some things behind the scenes that were really uncool, really uncool.

John Mayer appears to be the worst person in the world which explains why he's currently balls deep in model pussy. Being a good dude went out of style with moon boots and Sugar Mamas. Wretched is the new chic. What time is it I've got an eyebrow threading. This thing is broken.

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