Jennifer Aniston Stalks Justin Theroux At Child’s Birthday Party, Could Be Dangerous

Happy ONE year birthday Billy! A boy who in 365 days has done more for American national health care than we could all wish to do in our lifetimes. He doesn’t even know yet how courageous he is. An honor to know him and his incredible and equally courageous parents. Thank you @CedarsSinai & @ChildrensLA #registertovote

A post shared by @ justintheroux on Apr 22, 2018 at 1:10am PDT

I'm severely disappointed in the Internet today, because people have really dropped the ball on the perfect opportunity to call out Jennifer Aniston as a baren desperate old sack of unlovable crap. I thought the deal we all agreed upon is Ashley Graham is physically not nausea-inducing, Chrissy Teigen is hilarious, and Aniston is just one bunny away from Fatal Attraction. But apparently she's just a normal seventy-five-year-old woman. Boo.

This weekend Aniston happened to be attending Jimmy Kimmel's perpetually-dying kid's one-year birthday party at the same time as her ex Justin Theroux, but we don't yet have any of our beloved insiders to let us know if the two acknowledged each other or if Aniston simply spent the afternoon following Theroux around to lap up of the residual spit in his drink glasses. He's inside me again. Where he belongs.

Unfortunately websites aren't painting this as a stalking situation, and instead are simply letting us know that Aniston and Theroux were at the same event at the same time. It's times like these that I almost wish I wasn't writing on the dark web so I could let mainstream media know what's really up. Jennifer Aniston stalked Theroux to a kid's birthday party. She's a threat to herself and others. She could have had a gun. Maybe I can use this in my portfolio for People Magazine.

A yr ago today, God gave us this tough little boy. Today, we thank the nurses & doctors at @CedarsSinai & @ChildrensLA who saved his life & those who shared thoughts & prayers. We cannot stay quiet. Please wish Billy happy birthday by REGISTERING TO VOTE! vote.gov

A post shared by Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) on Apr 21, 2018 at 2:29pm PDT

Photo Credit: Getty Images, Instagram