If You Inbreed, You Turn Blue. It’s Science

Apparently some brie-spreading Frenchman who immigrated to Kentucky in 1800 has created an entire community of humans who all have blue skin (if you really want to piss them off you call them Smurffies. But not in public. That's shameful). And he did this not through experimentation, but simply by having a recessive gene that caused this abnormality, facilitating it through his offspring through your standard incest and inbreeding. Now I myself have never engaged in any amorous relationship with a close family member (second cousins who live in another zip code don't count, right?), so apparently I've been missing out on creating whole new races among humans.

Because that's apparently how races are created. Small pockets of isolated communities, inbreeding for generations, slowly create people with simliar traits and genes because, as the article on livescience.com explains, 'there was (sic) no roads' in eastern Kentucky when Henley Fugate, the Frenchman, arrived. So basically what they're saying is that people didn't feel like going too far so the just slept with whoever was around.

I don't care if Hurricane Katrina is outside, if it's a choice of sleeping with my sister or hiking a mile to score some foreign trim, I'm strapping on my boots and taking my chances with the elements. If a Postman can brave the elements to deliver the all-important Pottery Barn catalog to my shared studio apartment, I can pull a Forrest Gump and just keep running.

Thankfully, inventions like the bike and then cars and planes came around that helped spread our seeds from people other than relatives. Though the treadmill briefly caused a spike in inbreeding when it was first introduced. So next time you're at a family reunion, don't be afraid to go outside for some fresh air. And then keep walking. Because if you don't, your kids are going to end up on a porch somewhere in Kentucky with three thumbs, picking the banjo for the amusement of tourists.