I See London, I See France, But I Can Not See Kate Middleton’s Underpants

Kate Middleton. Talk about a real pro. The future Queen of England got herself some serious training in how to avoid an awkward upskirt whilst seated in a short skirt at a formal event, with not only tremendous use of the thigh muscles to squeeze her gams tightly, but, oh, I hate to give this little trick away, use of the clutch purse during the inevitable change of leg positions. Damn thee clutch!

We have looked, and we have leered, and we have investigated, but we can not find the Duchess of Cambridge's panties anywhere during the course of her extended seated ceremony in Leicester yesterday in honor of something royal and charitable. I'd like to honor Kate for her tremendous efforts, but mostly I'm just feeling sad. Bollocks.

P.S. She is still the hottest royal around, so we won't stay mad for long.