How Nicholas Sparks Killed Love

Safe Haven, the latest Nicholas Sparks schlockfest, came out yesterday. It stars Josh Duhamel as a widower in a coastal town and some random blond chick as the woman who teaches him to love again or some crap. We aren't the biggest rom-com fans here at Egotastic! We like romantic dramas even less. But there is nothing worse on God's green Earth than anything with Nicholas Sparks' cursed name attached. In case you are one of the lucky men who has never been forced to watch one of his stories, Nicolas Sparks is the king of "Chick-Lit" writers. He wrote the craptacular classics The Notebook, A Night To Remember, Nights in Rodanthe, and Dear John among others. In a society that is barely literate, his books are more popular than the Bible and Stephen King combined, (probably). They are a step up from trashy romance novels and completely unrelated to anything good. But most importantly, Nicholas Sparks killed love.

The reason I say that is that his creations create an impossible standard for love. No one can maintain that level of intensity without bursting a blood vessel in their head. Also, you have to wonder if the relationships in the films/books would even stay together. They usually don't like each other at first and come from different worlds. The characters are also saddled with all kinds of BS emotional baggage. Sure, they fall in love and have a great romance...for a while. But long lasting love? I doubt it. The only reason the couple in The Notebook stayed together is that she has dementia. It's bizarre because Nicholas Sparks is a guy but has no idea how guys think, act, or talk. A generation of girls have grown up watching this crap and are sorely disappointed when their lovers don't live up to the impossible standard portrayed by Ryan Gosling or whatever. It's the "Prince Charming" syndrome for the 21st century. Just say no to Nicholas Sparks, friends. And if your girl wants you to take her to see Safe Haven this weekend, break up with her.