Heidi Montag Glowing

Heidi Montag is milking her larvae for all it's worth by posing for anyone who gets wet thinking about a pregnant mangled Barbie. The reality television sensation opens up to blog The Fullest about being an international joke. Montag also beaches herself on Beyoncé's discarded Insta pregnancy pic wreath for a photo shoot that answers the question "What can you do with a fifteen dollar art budget?" The answer: "Not a whole fucking lot."

On her understandable lack of confidence:

I was always a very confident person and slowly it just kind of chiseled away at me, especially with MTV making Lauren the sweetheart and trying to villainize us. They were manipulating things the whole time and then suddenly you’re the bad guy and you don’t even have the platform to say the truth because MTV has so much more power. It’s a mafia. They controlled the press and the media… we were just two rogue agents.

On not getting that Kardashian kash:

We thought [while filming The Hills] we’d be Kardashian rich and famous at this point because we were that before they were. And looking at where they are now, it makes sense why we kind of thought that. But we didn’t have co-stars that stuck together. Everyone secretly didn’t like each other and everyone was fighting. When you have a family that sticks together it’s different; the Kardashians are a huge cast that has each others backs. If we would have banded together who knows where we’d all be?

And on her and husband Spencer Pratt once having the world at their fingertips:

Spencer and I had too much fun, which could have been part of the problem, because we would never take anything seriously. We had just found love and became so rich all of a sudden. We had the world at our fingertips and we were traveling everywhere and becoming famous. It was so fun and we just didn’t care. Then suddenly it built up and just kind of took over where we couldn’t control it.

I think she's confusing "the world" with "each others' crusty genitalia." Montag's candid-damaged-former-starlet shtick is a good direction considering we can't look at her face without feeling pangs of sadness. The American Dream shit out a butchered blonde mess with poor reasoning skills and we have to watch it flop around until its dying day. If Willy Loman had access to US Weekly and a plastic surgeon who knows what would have happened. Here's more of the shoot, as well as pics of Montag having some impromptu fun in the sun with her captor. 

^{Photo Credit: The Fullest, Backgrid}