GQ Remains In the Closet

GQ used to be more subtle in its emasculation like going with your girl to see Pitch Perfect because you claim it will get you laid or trying on silk shirts thinking it makes you look gangster. The gloves are off. The GQ editorial staff decided they couldn't just show a Brazilian model in a bikini in their annual body issue so they added a soccer player topless on a scooter. I don't care how many hot chicks Ronaldo bangs, he looks like the dude way to happy about same sex sleepover parties. It's one thing to employ seminal male figures to model fashion. It's another to feature a dude in a banana hammock grinning on your cover. One I can explain to my coworkers over drinks at happy hour. The latter has my parents lamenting having occasionally dressed me in my sisters hand me down semi-unisex sweaters. Quit signing me up for wilderness survival camps, dad. We're all God's children.

Photo Credit: GQ