Dustin Johnson Is The Coolest Golfer

Its hard to be a rebel while wearing slacks and a visor, but Dustin Johnson has been blowing lines and fucked more than one PGA player's wife. One wife notch could be written off as a coke fueled mistake, but two means you're just an asshole. Johnson is engaged to Paulina Gretzky, who is super hot and given her lineage, has the IQ of a limestone quarry. But her tits are stupendous and you get to occasionally hang out with Wayne Gretzky who will tell you really cool hockey stories in his man cave.

Johnson may be acting out to convince himself he's not a dork playing a game favored by retirees and Asian lesbians. Tiger Woods proved that once the world knows you're a filthy narcissistic pervert your golf game goes straight to shit. Johnson will probably be out of the game entirely within a year before moving in with Wayne and his daughter and banging Janet Jones entire Pilates class. At least that's a real sport.

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