Decorate Your Hipster With Beardaments Beard Ornaments

I grew a beard when I was 19 for the simple reason that the men in my family have weak chins and we look better with beards. But then in the early 2000s, the modern hipster arose from the bowels of White privilege and hijacked the beard. I live in Brooklyn which makes it even worse. My beard is normal, though. It's a respectable length. I don't look like a lumberjack or a 19th century politician or anything. Still, I sometimes get lumped in with the rest of the hipsters simply because of my chin hair. In the wake of all of this hirsutedness, an entire industry has arisen to decorate and groom beards. There are beard salons, no joke. But when I saw the Beardaments Beard Ornaments on Groupon, I was taken aback. They are basically little Christmas ornaments you can hang in your beard. The purpose is to look festive but it makes me want to set anyone who wears them in their beard on fire.

I can just see legions of hipsters wearing these things in their beards along with hideous sweaters to go to an ugly Christmas sweater party. The whole thing fills me with fear and loathing. Get them here.