Claudia Jordan Celebrates Her Birthday With Hard Nips And A Sandy Ass

With all of the changes that a body goes through when one ages I take comfort in knowing that the nips will continue to do fulfill their position as the body’s thermometer. If my nips could no longer get hard when I was cold then I would be at such a great risk of hypothermia that I think I would not survive for another year. But maybe I am getting ahead of myself.

Claudia Jordan is only forty-four years old, which may not be old enough to say for certain that the nips will continue to perform into old age. And even if it was, Claudia does not look a day over thirty-four, so she might not be the best person to use as a barometer. At the rate with which I am aging I will need a person who looks ten years older than their actual age, not ten years younger. That will be the most accurate way to figure out future condition of my dearly beloved nips.

How this woman can be in her forties baffles me. I know it has been a crackpot theory for a long time that the Hollywood cabal bathe in the blood of virgins in order to achieve immortal youth—or maybe that was just my theory—but I think it becomes more plausible by the day.

Photo Credit: Splash News