Burger King Wants To Kill You With Its Cheetos Chicken Fries

The secret’s out. #CheetosChickenFries are coming to select Burger King Restaurants on 9.14 for a limited time. pic.twitter.com/fZSvO8mQ0Q

— Burger King (@BurgerKing) September 12, 2016

Burger King is famous...no...notorious for creating products that a) no one asked for and b) that will instantly give you a heart attack. This time they may have really gone too far. They started out with their chicken fries, which in and of itself is friggin' horrifying, and then coated them with orange Cheetos dust to create the Cheetos Chicken Fries. They are the color of a supernova the blast of which will match the explosive diarrhea you are going to get from eating this. Look, I'm overweight and I don't always eat great but this is a bridge too far. It's like Burger King is trying to send a clear message that they hate their customers and want them all to lose a foot to type 2 diabetes. Why so much scorn, Burger King? What did I ever do to you other than eat your Whoppers in spite of the fact that your food smells like a sack full of farts?

I won't eat these though because I'd like to live a few more years and I'm pretty sure that with each Cheeto Chicken Fry you put in your mouth you shave off ten years of your lifespan.