‘Beard Blade’ Is The Manliest, Beardiest Video Game You’ll See Today

  Now, I’m as much of a retrohead gamer as the next guy. Probably a whole damn lot more, actually. I lost my shit at the sight of Sonic Mania. Totally lost it. My shit went flying straight into the Bermuda Triangle, never to be freaking seen again. If my shit was a boat’s crew, it’d be those Mary Celeste guys who vanished.  

I love myself some nostalgia, is what I’m getting at here. Give me a slice of Streets of Rage, Gunstar Heroes, Alex Kidd, Golden Ax or whatever, and I’m a happy camper. Still, even someone like me can admit that indie devs are milking the whole 16-bit aesthetic a little much just now.

Fancy-ass 2D retro-inspired art? Ye Olde style platforming action? Nuts to that, you’re probably thinking. I’m up to my scrote in that stuff. You’re right there, Ego-friend, but I’m going to make an exception for Beard Blade because it sounds far too goddamn awesome to pass up.

‘After Branson finds himself beaten and defeated after fighting off an invasion of imps, a magical barber grants his beard great magical powers in Beard Blade, a 16-bit inspired action platformer in development,’ Siliconera reports. ‘Branson can use his beard in many useful ways throughout Beard Blade. It can be used to punch objects and foes, grab onto things in the environment to help him reach new locations, throw enemies, and also turn him into a heavy block wall to crush whatever he falls on. More abilities will be coming to his facial hair as development continues, with players able to equip certain skills by speaking to the magical barber.’

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t get to punch enemies with my beard often enough in my everyday life. My facial hair isn’t multitalented, and it often looks like a yeti’s ass fluff. If I have to live out my dreams vicariously and facial-hairiously through a video game, then I guess that’s better than nothing. Check it out in action below.