Are Eva Longoria and Tony Parker Divorcing Or Not? I Ready My Game Just in Case

(Update 11/17/10: Divorce back on! Hopefully, we can all treat this as a private matter between two private individuals. That being said, Eva, call me, I'm here, next to the phone.)

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Gretchen just ran into my office while I lay in quiet, thoughtful repose to alert me to the news that my longtime object d' lust, Eva Longoria, was divorcing her NBA husband, Tony Parker, and that this finally means Eva and I can be together. Well, Gretchen didn't say that last part, but it was certainly swirling through my head, as I thought of just the perfect words to say to Eva Longoria in these desperate moments, when she would need a strong shoulder to cry on, and, you know, a rebound knock, if I might mix metaphors and fantasies simultaneously.

Now, it seems, effin' TMZ has retracted their tale of the cessation of relations between Eva and Tony and my dreams have been shattered. But, for one shining moment, it was me shopping for two-thousand dollar shoes with Eva in some Euro-boutique, sipping my brewski, feeling mighty fine with my lady.

Photo credit: INF Photo