Amy Schumer – You’ve Got To Be Kidney Me

A post shared by @amyschumer on Apr 27, 2018 at 8:39am PDT

It is a proven, undeniable fact that fat girls love to overexaggerate health issues and bog down parties and make everyone nauseous with their gross stories and photo documentation to boot. Thankfully this doesn't apply to our svelt deathly thin size-six vixen Amy Schumer, who was rushed to the hospital due to a kidney infection or lupus or something else fake. This just so happens to coincide with the release of her shitty body shaming movie I Feel Pretty, and happened to get her out of attending the flick's London premiere. Hmm.

Schumer posted a number of pics from her hospital visit to Instagram with a five-thousand-word caption. Getting her to open up about her personal life is like pulling teeth I swear. So demure. So Classy:

Here’s what I’ve been up to this week. I was hospitalized for 5 days with a horrible kidney infection. I want to give a big thank you to the doctors, the bad ass nurses also my husband who’s name is, i want to say, Chris? and my sisters Kimby and mol who have been by my side the whole time. I wanted to share this with you because this is sexy as hell but mostly because I was meant to go to London for the opening of I Feel Pretty and my doctors have told me that’s a no go. I’m really disappointed selfishly to miss this trip because I love London and Europe in general and all the great people (food) there. But I need to put my health first. I am so grateful for all the support the movie is getting. I hope people check it out in England and everywhere else in the world. It’s sweet and fun and you will walk out feeling better. Which is something I hope to feel soon too.

In one of the accompanying pics Schumer appears to be crying - most likely because the poor thing is wasting away. If only she was some generic fat chick then we'd know about every single thing in the world that's wrong with her at any given time. Oh wait. Now I'm confused.

Photo Credit: Instagram / Pacific Coast News / Splash News