Adriana Lima and Julian Edelman Couldn’t Find Time to Get It On

Scheduling conflicts has to be the laziest public excuse ever for a celebrity breakup. It's less honest than 'that fucker gave me genital warts'. Also far less clickbait worthy.

Adriana Lima and Patriots receiver Julian Edelman called it quits not long after Edelman's amazing Super Bowl catch and another fat ring. You have to give a woman points for dumping a man who every other woman in the world wants to fuck at the moment. It could be Lima's $75 million in net worth. Or the fact that a Swedish model birthed out a baby of Edelman's at the end of the regular season. Sure your girlfriend will pretend that doesn't bug her, but it's worse than forgetting a half-anniversary.

Lima already has two kids by former NBA baller Marko Jaric. She's either not doing romance well or she's merely doing it like a man. Which implies the former. Find, fuck, reproduce, move on. This is the real front lines of gender equality. Finger tip catches mean nothing to women.

_{Photo Credit: Victoria's Secret}