Adam Rippon Takes Tiny Dump On NBC

Olympic skater Adam Rippon can only spin around three times in the air instead of four, so he is of course garbage in the eyes of the 2018 PyeongChange Olympic judges and most of the world. Even though a lack of ariel dexterity kept Rippon out of contention for a men's singles medal, he struck a chord with audiences over the course of the first week of the Olympic games - enough so to land a correspondence gig with NBC that was supposed to last for the next week, but ended up lasting for four and a half seconds. Rippon accepted the position before realizing that he would have to disassociate from Team U.S.A. and vacate the Olympics HPVillage, which for gay athletes at the Winter Games is like last call at a sex dungeon on Fire Island. He stated to USA Today:

I am so flattered that NBC wanted me to work as a correspondent, but if I took this opportunity, I would have to leave the Olympic team and I would have to leave the (Olympic) Village. It’s so important to me, you know, I worked so hard to be on this Olympic team, and my teammates and my friends were there for me during my events, and that meant so much to me, that I really feel like I need to be there for them during their events.

People will always criticize whatever network is broadcasting the Olympics, and I really do think that NBC's inability to gauge which sports we want to be televised (Spoiler: Women getting two feet off the ground on snowboards is not a sport, sorry not sorry) and which to leave to the twelve-people audiences at the PyeongChang games is glaring.

In addition to the actual coverage, NBC seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel with its ragtag team of correspondents. But at least we know that if wall-eyed Shrek monster Mike Tirico can make it on TV, anybody can. Deadline also points to a slew of gaffes made by announcers so far, and basically, nabbing the widely-liked Rippon would have been a win for NBC. By accepting and then quickly dropping this offer, Rippon is telling that world that it's better to sip hot cocoa and get intercontinental STDs in warming tents than work for NBC. And that's a message that, as Americans, we can all get behind.

I am flattered that NBC wanted me to work as a correspondent for them here in PyeongChang. Doing this would require me to leave Team USA and move out of the Olympic Village. I don't want to do that so I had to declined the opportunity.

— Adam Rippon (@Adaripp) February 19, 2018

I love being on Team USA and representing our country. My teammates were there for me during my events, and now I NEED to be there for them. I look forward to being with them, and I’m very excited for the rest of the competition. Go Team USA!!!

— Adam Rippon (@Adaripp) February 19, 2018

Photo Credit: US Olympic Team Alexa Knierim, Madison Hubbell, and Mirai Nagasu from Instagram / Getty Images