A Completely Uninformed Interview With The Guy Who Writes for ‘Common Law’

Every now and then in the cheese and dairy aisle at the warehouse superstore, we run into one of the guys who helps make the TV shows or movies you watch and we corner them into answering some highly uninformed questions that reveal our own idiocy about the business.

This past week we ran smack dab into Tim Talbott, a writer on the new USA Network show Common Law, airing this very night.

Tim's TV writing background ranges from South Park, a show for stoned college kids, to Medium, a show that was made mostly for elderly, bed-ridden women in the final months of their existence, so he's got some range. And now he's been charged with helping to re-invent the black and white buddy cop genre into a brand new bit of fun and intrigue and despite the fact that he smelled distinctively like Peppermint Schnapps at eleven o'clock in the a.m., he seems up for the job.

Our Interview with Tim Talbott:

As to the premise of Common Law, if two cop partners violently hate each other, aren't they more likely to frame each other in the murder of a hobo than attend couples counseling together?

Was than an actual real question? Really? Okay, I would probably jump in on the side of hobo killing and framing, but I think there are definite laws against those type of things that cops may have to adhere to.

Why won't you TV people ever make shows that features the beautiful bare breasts of woman? Is there something about the human female form that frightens you

True story. As a child, my brother made me watch as he opened the door on my grandmother while she was showering. Her breasts looked like cantaloupes wearing through the bottom of a plastic bag. TRAUMA!

What about the rumors that the writers room at Common Law is a den of iniquity filled with recreational drugs and the frequent visit by lower-end call girls?

Who told you that? Did Turteltaub tell you that? WHO TOLD YOU THAT???!!!

Why do all cops on cable TV shows look like male models? Do you think the world would be a better place if all cops really were male models forced to serve as police officers?

Sex sells, my friend. If cable tv cops looked like real cops, the only thing they'd be able to sell is donuts. And pit stains. And general grumpiness.

Are you willing to guarantee that people will love watching Common Law? By that I mean, if they don't like it, and they see you in the street, can they punch you in the face?

As a professional artist and journeyman hero to the common man, I crave any response that indicates that my work made an impact on the audience in any discernible way. Just know that I'm very doughy and absorb punches extremely well.

(Editor's note: the interview ended there when Tim pointed out to something over our shoulder, we bit, and he ran for the exit. No kidding, he's surprisingly nimble.)

Common Law, tonight on USA at 10PM or an hour earlier if you live along the old wagon trails west.