Heidi Montag Knows Her Place

The people who make their living being human zoo exhibits, the good ones at least, have a distinct understanding of their character. The Kardashians play to their slutty sisters type. The Housewives get loaded and leave their tampon strings visible in short skirts. You're a character in a movie intended for dumb people. Nobody wants to see the pizza delivery guy in the porn actually discussing the art of mozzarella making..

Heidi Montag is pregnant. This is also her character. When she notes paparazzi taking her photos in the grocery store, she beelines for the pickle aisle and grabs a ton of Vlasics. Do pregnant women even crave pickles? She saw it once on I Love Lucy. Fair enough. Watch her shove a pickle in her mouth. That's how pregnant she is. She's writing your fucking headlines, Daily Mail. This traveling circus only travels if both sides put in an appropriate amount of stupid.

_{Photo Credit: Blackgrid}