Guess What? One Year Later, Brazil’s Legendary ‘Penis Snake’ Still Looks Like a Wang (VIDEO)

Thanks for the nightmares, friend-of-a-friend. We now have this ghastly slice of shite to share with Ego-kind everywhere.

In the animal kingdom, as we know, there's a lot to pity. Mayflies, for instance. Those poor bastards have a life expectancy of... a day. Then there's the sloth. When he goes out to pick up some groceries, it takes several years. On his return, his wife has shat on the bed, taken the kids and moved in with that orangutan tennis instructor of hers. And there's mold growing on his ass. It's several simultaneous kinds of uncool all round.

But for pure sucks to be you factor, nothing quite beats being a massive dick on legs. Without the legs. Meet the ‘Penis Snake,' an obscure caecilian (odd sort of limbless amphibian) uncovered by engineers constructing a dam in the Amazon last year. Is it a snake? Is it a wang? No and no, but this is no time for technicalities. Instead, let's have a heaping helping of piss-takery and dick puns on the subject of these noble beasts, courtesy of Mackinley Greenlaw's One Minute News.