RESQWATER Saves You from Alcohol and Yourself

The thing is, newbies to Super Bowl week tend to get overwhelmed by the volume and intensity of the parties available. In a city like New York, which already has narcolepsy, the challenge is how to keep one's chemical balance over the course of a week as day drinking, nightcaps and champagne brunches flow together.


RESQWATER is the elixir you need to clean yourself up on the inside after marathon drinking sessions.


I don't know how it does what it does. What matters is that strong flavor and that strong scent that bites you in the face when you open a bottle is doing the hard work of undoing the mistakes you made last night. RESQWATER is billed as an "anti-hangover" drink but that wouldn't stop me from trying to use it as a prolonged alcohol consumption enabling "friend," alternating between RESQWATER and sparkly glasses of clear and brown liquor.  You've got to do what you can when you're trying to keep up with Joe Namath, Lawrence Taylor and disgraced former New York political figures in a week when New York City is on center stage. It gives you vitamins and minerals that you need since you most likely just wasted them all over the gutter/toilet bowl/hot girl at the bar.


It's the alcohol in whatever you're drinking to get you drunk but the impurities in that alcohol make you feel like crap the next day. But, whatever. If you were smart enough to appreciate all the science behind RESQWATER you'd be smart enough not to do cranium shots off of Tiki Barber's bald head and we know that's too much to ask. RESQWATER is for the grounded pragmatist who has just enough loose screws to feel good about killing a bottle of coffee flavored tequila during the two hours a day when NYC bars can't be open.


One bit of warning though: drinking RESQWATER when you're not hungover might not work out so well. Those little blue bottles --like their little blue pill cousins-- are meant to be consumed at a very specific time for a very specific reason. You don't have to worry about a four hour window with RESQWATER, but make sure you're drinking this stuff only when your head is pounding like there's a marching band of angry elephants stomping through your cranium. When you wake up in the morning and your mouth feels like a family of mangy meerkats camped out in your piehole overnight to see if it would meet their hibernation needs and you're sweating like a "retired" reality show star dreading what you're going to have to do to make rent next month, that's the hangover state you should be in when you crack open a bottle of RESQWATER. And no, you can't drink RESQWATER as a lifestyle beverage ahead of time to inoculate yourself against a hangover.


Seriously, just drink like the fish that you are and make plans to get rescued in the morning.