Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing! Time For Daddy Egotastic! To Step In

Look, I'm not saying this isn't tragic. Heck, if a younger woman can't have a happy marriage with a famous gay twice divorced Scientologist movie star, what are the chances for any of us to find matrimonial bliss?

We've been wondering of late why Tom Cruise took his submarine to Iceland for an extended June vacation about a week ago, and now we know why. While we're sad for Katie Holmes and the button of a cute girl that millions of judgmental women can't stop examining like a science experiment, Suri Cruise, when a door closes, another door opens up. And for my still belusted Katie Holmes and a chance to get her out of those Xenu-issue mom jeans and back into something trim and sextastic, well, I'm walking right in.

For breaking news on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce, visit our friends at TMZ.