The Women of Tennis Will F**k You the F**k Up

Before he met his untimely death by trampling at a Target store, my third favorite neighbor, Chance McGinnity, was fond of saying, 'Don't never get with a woman who can squat more pounds than you.' It seemed rather random advice at the time, but as the years have passed, I've taken another look at Chance's sagely words and realized there was much wisdom in his simple slogan. 

At the end of the day, you'd be wise to avoid a woman who could crack a walnut between her quads, if for no other reason than, someday, those walnuts might be your own. You'd want to steer clear of a woman who won't ask you to sleep on the couch, but will clean and jerk you there and force you to ask for permission to hit the can. Not that you don't want a strong woman, you just don't want a woman who can kick your ass in the punt, pass, and kick competition.

Checking out the ferocity on the strong-legged Maria Sharapova and the vise-like crotch of Venus Williams, I can't help but think... run!