The ‘Noah’ Trailer Is Here, and It Is Apocalyptically Fantastic

I've been hearing rumblings for a few weeks that the new Darren Aronofsky picture, Noah, wasn't testing well with good Christian folk in the heartland, and that Paramount was getting worried. But I was like, come on, it's about the bible, and it comes out a month before Easter. They're going to love it!

Now that I've seen the trailer, though, yes, I can see how this film probably isn't going to be huge with certain moviegoers.

Firstly, Noah does not have a long white beard, which the bible explicitly says he does. (Right?) Secondly, the film, which stars Russel Crow, is pretty much Gladiator on a boat...only with the hot chick from Harry Potter (Emma Watson) and Crow's wife from Beautiful Mind (Jennifer Connelly). Because you see, Noah doesn't just foresee a great purge. He also has to fight off barbarian hordes with a spear and fiery sword—which is sweet, but not really in the bible.

So this is not your Sunday school teacher's Noah. It's Hollywood's Noah. And the reaction from movie audiences should be interesting.

Noah hits theaters March 28, 2014.