The Loaded Bloomin Onion Wants To Kill You

I'll freely admit that I love the Outback Steakhouse. Even though I live in New York City, one of the great culinary capitals of the world, sometimes I just want to go eat fake Australian food. I grew up in the suburbs and the Outback was fancy eats. I like the steaks and loaded baked potatoes and all, but you know why you went to the Outback: the Bloomin Onion. It's a giant vidalia onion cut into wedges that is breaded and deep fried. It may be the most unhealthy thing you can put in your mouth...or it was, until the food scientists at the Outback found a way to make it deadly. Imagine a Bloomin Onion covered in cheese fries, bacon, and ranch dressing. It's coming later this month and it has 2360 calories. That alone is more than the total number of calories you should eat in a day. 

This is something you eat when you've given up on life. When all hope is lost, what the void inside your chest wants is a Bloomin Onion covered in cheese fries, bacon, and ranch dressing. Just thinking about this will give you diarrhea.