Sony Officially Cancels the Release of ‘The Interview’ After Threat of Terrorist Attack

Thanks to a cyber attack that the U.S. government is unofficially blaming on North Korea, Sony Pictures has cancelled the Christmas Day release of The Interview, thus ruining your plans to have to not actually make small talk with your weird out-of-town cousins.

Of course, the news that Sony was hacked is not new. Unreleased movies and top-secret emails have been leaking onto the web for a week. However, earlier this week a message popped up on desktop computers at Sony offices warning of a 9/11-type attack that will make the world "full of fear" if the movie gets release. When the major theater chains got wind of that, every last one of them announced they would not be showing the movie. Thus, a few hours later, Sony announced the cancellation.

According to The New York Times, the U.S. government is not saying too much about the hack right now, other than that they do believe it is North Korea—and that they have no knowledge of any imminent terrorist attack. However, I for one am sure it the work of Kim Jong-un himself. The Dear Leader is a brilliant man with great knowledge of a many things. It is a certitude Deal Leader is one of the world's foremost computer scientists, and that when Dear Leader heard about this vile, slanderous movie, he planned this noble attack.

And I for one am 100% behind the wise and powerful Kim Jong-un. How dare Seth Rogen and James Franco joke about assassinating a quasi-divine hero so full of courage and virtue! Have you seen the trailer? While some may call it "funny" or even "piss-your-pants hilarious," I call it shameful and weak.

(Seriously, North Korea, don't hack us. We didn't think Team America was funny, either.)