Ryan Seacrest Accused Of Sexual Misconduct. What Happens Next Will Shock You

This past November the world's oldest twink Ryan Seacrest was accused of sexual misconduct by one of his apparently multiple stylists. Because a man needs more than one. To paraphrase Dolly Parton - It takes a lot of money to look this gay. The real shocker is that the stylist in question is a woman, Suzie Hardy, who just yesterday expanded on her claims with a detailed account of how Seacrest mistreated her over the course of her career at E! News. And no, the abuse was not in the form of Seacrest wanting to braid Hardy's hair while detailing being the Boston cream donut for a football team in a back alley. IDK what that means exactly, but my point is that Seacrest is a homosexual. (Allegedly, don't sue.)

In November he came out with this statement denying Hardy's claims:

If I made her feel anything but respected, I am truly sorry. I dispute these reckless allegations and I plan to cooperate with any corporate inquiries that may result.

But Hardy has been hitting the pavement hard since then - obviously working with a lawyer and Sexual Assault Brand Manager (a new job category, probably) to come up with a detailed list of allegations that she shared with Variety yesterday:

[He] grinded his erect penis against her while clad only in his underwear, groped her vagina, and at one point slapped her buttock so hard that it left a large welt still visible hours later.

In another instance:

[He] slid his hand in from behind, cupped her crotch, then quickly pulled it away again.

After this incident Seacrest allegedly asked:

Oh my god, are you going to sue me?

Harvey, ever the businesswoman, responded :

Not if I stay employed.

If that exchange doesn't sum up assault in Hollywood, I don't know what does. I scratch your back, you scratch my crotch, and everything's cool until a viral hashtag comes along. These alleged back and forths stretch all the way back to 2007. In 2013 Hardy was let go from E! News after she came forward with her allegations against Seacrest. E! News vehemently denies Hardy's claims and if Seacrest did in fact molest her, it was most likely either because he was trying to convince those around him that he was straight, or because he got her name confused with Tom Hardy's and was fishing around for a dick while grabbing her crotch.

Seriously, I know we get criticism for victim-shaming on here, and I do think that the majority of people in power in this world across all industries are going to hit a roadblock before getting to the Pearly Gates - because people who feel the need to get to positions of power are, let's say it together, huge assholes. But something about Suzie's allegation doesn't seem right. That something being the fact that Ryan Seacrest takes dude loads.

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