Rachel McCord Got on All Fours for Carl’s Jr.

Expunged from this year's Super Bowl bonanza of splashy commercials were the hot titty models eating messy shit and washing cars in their bikinis. What we used to call God's America. This was the year for feeling shitty about not being a better person, as explained by adults in beanies calling their parents to explain their cell phone data overages. Nix the tits. We fast during Ramadan. 

Carl's Jr. clearly hired Rachel McCord to pose with their not greasy bags on the beach. She's the cheapest McCord sister to book, still, somebody was considering a backup plan. Do you think people will be driven to purchase our quick turnaround slop more by hot chicks in bikinis or images of Syrian refugees helping Nebraskan farmers pull their stuck tractors out of mud pits? Trick question. The answer is knocking seventy cents off the price. Enter the Mexicans. Nobody saw that coming.

_{Photo Credit : Splash News}

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