Pennsylvania Catholic Church Grand Jury Report Reveals Widespread Rape

If you've seen the movie Spotlight, then you can skip this post and read about Alec Baldwin slut shaming his fake Instagram model daughter. If you haven't seen it, then all you really need to know is that Catholics like to sexually abuse young boys and girls. Not all Catholics. But a lot, at least if you're going by the staggering number of Pennsylvania priests charged with rape in yet another Catholic church kid porking scandal.

The details of a new Grandy Jury report on the abuse of over a thousand kids by three-hundred powerful figures in the Pennsylvania church are truly unsettling, but not enough to make people finally realize that this is probably going on everywhere. The terminology and details of the report - which comes after a two-year investigation by Attorney General Josh Shapiro - are remarkably similar to those surrounding the explosive 2002 Boston sex abuse scandal covered in Spotlight. So much so that, again, if you've already seen the movie, Ireland Baldwin's bland ass cheek awaits you.

Since you probably already get the gist of what goes on in the Catholic church - priests abuse their power to sexually abuse children and share pornographic images of them, while the church goes to great lengths to cover up the abuse - let's just skip to some of the horrifying details in the report. According to Buzzfeed News:

One priest is accused of ejaculating in the mouth of a 7-year-old.

And:

One boy was forced to stand on a bed in a rectory, strip naked, and pose as Christ on the cross for the priests, Shapiro said during Tuesday’s press conference. Priests then took photos of their victim, 'adding them to a collection of child pornography which they produced and shared on church grounds.'

And:

A priest at the Diocese of Erie... confessed to fondling 12 boys, telling them he was performing a 'cancer check.' After his confession, the priest remained in active ministry for 15 years.

And:

Another priest, in the Diocese of Allentown, confessed to sexually molesting a boy. But the dioceses concluded that 'the experience will not necessarily be a horrendous trauma' for the victim, and that the family should have 'an opportunity to ventilate.'

They're... off their damn rockers. The statute of limitations saved all but two of the priests, but hopefully the public shame the others are facing will deter the thousands of other men who hold positions of power within the Catholic church around the globe from having sex with children for good. Kidding. Countdown to the next Catholic church rape scandal begins... now.

Photo Credit: Comedy Central