Paula Patton Splits from Robin Thicke, I Ask That You Respect Our Privacy At This Time

While there have been rumors in magazines for months now of infidelity on the part Robin Thicke, as divorce becomes a reality, I'm certain you're going to hear some backlash from the Thicke camp as to Paula Patton philandering. Specifically, you might hear reports of Paula and I locked away in the hull of a Chinese barge making love like feral rabbits. I can neither confirm or deny these reports as I've never seen feral rabbits going at it. But if they express their reproductive glands for 48 hours straight without recess, then, okay, I deny it a little less.

Splits are never easy and become exponentially more complicated should photos of Paula and I covered in a combination of sweat and clover honey see the light of day. So if you're the guy I paid to take those photos, you know, please don't throw them in the briar patch, if you get my drift. Thank you in advance for your consideration during these difficult rebound sex times.