Paris Hilton to Retire… From What!?

Paris Hilton is useless. She fills no purpose, and meets no needs. She is completely superfluous. Thus, today she announced that she will retire from "public life" in two years, in order to become a wife and mother. Notice how she is not actually retiring from any specific career or profession, merely from being in everyone's face all the time.

She is quoted as saying "I thought it was cute to play a dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it's funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand." I however, do not think she was acting. No one is that good an actress, especially not Paris Hilton.

We won't miss you Paris.